Stevie Martin | Staff Writer | Tuesday, 25 November 2014

In Which We Discuss Whether Taylor's Or Beyonce's Lyrics Are Better Break-Up Material The Debrief: While Taylor is good for break-ups, there’s a Beyonce lyric for literally every occasion

Some absolute genius of a woman has written a break-up letter that comprises entirely of Taylor Swift lyrics because, let’s face it, pretty much every single Taylor Swift song is about a break-up. Apart from... nope. I’ve got nothing.

Anyway, while T-Swift can provide excellent firepower for a particular kind of breakup letter – what if you want to go a bit more ballsy? Like, Beyonce ballsy? Wonder no more because we’ve channelled Queen Bey into the perfect method for getting rid of a cheatin’ man. Or woman. Or someone who hasn’t cheated at all, but you’re just not feeling it anymore.

READ MORE: Style And Design Tips From Taylor Swift's New Video For Blank Space

Hey babe,

There was a time I thought that you did everything right. No lies, no wrong. Boy I, must’ve been out of my mind, so when I think of the time that I almost loved you, you showed your self and I saw the real you. If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to love a girl – I swear I’d be a better man. I wanted you bad – I'm so through with that, because honestly, you turned out to be the best thing I never had. I’m taking back the things I got from you, on top of you not calling me back – you see I bet you think it’s all on track, but what about my body? You would rather go and party.

I give you everything you want everything you need. Even your friends say I’m a good woman, all I need to know is why? Why don’t you love me? I got beauty, I got class, I got style, and I got ass and you don’t even care to care. Bet it sucks to be you right now – don’t you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable; what goes around comes back around.

Baby I won’t shed a tear for you, I won’t lose a wink of sleep, because the truth of the matter is replacing you is so easy

[insert your name here]

Sure, it makes you sound a bit all over the place (while Tay mainly does nostalgic, hurt songs – Bey goes all out raging, as well as hurt, and secure as well as insecure), but what great break-up letter doesn’t? I remember once running down the road in no shoes after an ex yelling, ‘I’M NOT MAD, COME BACK HERE.’ Breaking up is a paradox.

And Beyonce’s lyrics don’t just go well with relationships, oh no – while Taylor tends to focus on matters of the (broken) heart, Beyonce’s back catalogue works pretty well in most scenarios. Look, there’s a Beyonce for all occasions:

A Beyonce lyric for...

Quitting your job email: Fuck you, pay me.

Drunk birthday speech: This goes out to all my girls that’s in the club rocking the latest! Who will buy it for themselves and get more money later. I think I need a barber.

Letter to your best mate: And if you wasn’t for you, and if I didn’t know you, and if you never reached me, and if you didn’t teach me, I wouldn’t be, who I am right now.

Discussing your monthly cycle with your GP: I been on, I been on, I been on – tell me who gone take me off, take me off, take me off, take me off, ’cause I been on

Speaking with changing room attendants: Stop, I ain’t ready yet. Wait, let me fix my hair. I think I’m ready

Giving sex advice from the 1950s: Ladies look here, when you been with your man for a long time, every now and then you gotta go back in the closet and pull out that freakum dress.

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